At the end of 2017 from August to December My Family and I suffered incredible loss. My Grandfather unexpectedly passed away. On October 19th a dear family friend was senselessly killed whilst walking her Son to school. Two weeks later my second grader’s school mate lost his Mother to cancer. Then to top it all off, we lost our dear sweet Pup to Cancer the day after Thanksgiving.
As weird as it may sound to some (and it did to me at first!), the death of our dog got me the worst. Maybe it was that he was the last in a string of losses, and I officially bent. Perhaps it’s because I work from home and he was my buddy everyday all day. Everything around the house reminded me of him. In fact, today is the first day (2/10/18) since his death that I sit in my office again to write.
The creative energy was sucked out of my office. The office where for hours on end he would sit in his chair and I at my desk simply sharing space. I officially shut the doors to the office and did not go back in until now.
So this is a story about growing, not stagnation. This is a story about getting through a blockage in an intentional and respectful way to shift the energy in a space I love and value so much. I feel I learned this lesson so I can help you walk through your.
When I closed that door to my office I also left a lot of emotions and stale energy in the room. As soon as I walked in there, I could feel the heaviness. The room became a pile of clutter in just a few short months. Papers on the desk, furniture moved about so the kids can play their games. There were Legos everywhere and even an unpacked bag from a retreat that was in November.
Now this was crazy because I teach people how to de clutter their spaces and their minds, and here I was doing exactly what I know I shouldn’t do. It’s not just about the physical clutter. Once I shut those door and ‘things’ started to pile up, I knew that was directly reflective of of that ‘door’ I closed on my heart. I was not willing to break through the blockage. Until recently.
I remember in early January I went to a dinner party with some of my favorite Yogis and one of them that I hadn’t seen in months stopped the conversation and said, “I want to know what is going on with you, Erika. You are quiet, subdued. I’m used to the always energetic Erika.”
I told her immediately that I have not released this sorrow from the string of losses. I knew it and I knew I wasn’t ready for it BUT I could feel that I would be ready soon. After all hiding in the fear of emotional release serves no one. Not my Husband, my children and the people I help. Not helping myself means I was not helping them.
Then, over the last month, a string of events happened. With the help of a friend, Heather I was able to release some deep seeded sorrow that went back to 13 years ago when my Dad had his accident. Heather asked me a string of the ‘right’ questions and then helped me create an affirmation that I say every day and multiple times a day.
“ I LIVE WITH ABUNDANCE”
My day to day actions are purposeful and with the intention to live with an abundance of unconditional love for the people in my life and for myself. When that really sunk in, I realized that I have so much love to give. Even to get to another dog. So we now have a new addition to our family. His name is Deeter. Every day he reminds me to slow down and play. He reminds me release the negative hold that time can have on my day and just flow. I didn’t think I would be ready for another dog for a long time because every time I think of Johnny Cash, it comes along with a slew of other deaths. But, I could finally say that I was ready for another dog and it would not be filling a gap in my heart.
Along came another ‘event’ by the name of Shari. Shari taught me how to use space wisely for my private yoga studio. She taught me the healing power of sound. She is consistent elevated conversation on the daily and that in turn allowed me to vocalize those emotions that I didn’t want to explore.
Then came the next ‘event’ by the name of Lori. She basically said, “Girl, you gotta get that stagnant energy out of your back room.” You see, I have a creative space that is very passive in my Yoga room, but because I closed the doors to my office and cluttered the room, I no longer had a creative space for active energy. In my office is where I produce. I write. I research. I learn. Because I work from home and I teach from home, I need both spaces to keep the energy balanced.
Funny how this string of ‘events’ are actually people. All people that emerged in my life when I made the decision to love others and myself unconditionally. Ponderous.
This is where it all comes to a head. Shari came over to my house to help me clear the stagnant energy in my office. We opened the windows. She burned sage, played her crystal bowls in the room and we moved some things around. But, right before she did that some weird stuff happened.
Remember that unpacked bag from earlier? That bag was from Lori’s retreat. The Retreat where I met Heather and Stephanie. Stephanie was the client I was messaging while waiting for Shari and a
ll of the sudden Deeter begins screaming and barking like he is in pain or being abused. He was in my office. My heart dropped and I ran into the room.
Deeters little neck was (gently) stuck in the handles of the unpacked bag from Lori’s retreat. He was fine just scared him. Then Shari arrived immediately after noticing how frazzled I was. It was like everything came to a head and it was time to move out that old energy and reclaim my office. And that’s exactly what we did.
So as I sit in my office and breath deeply I share this with you in hopes that it will help you grow through some of your blockages. Perhaps it will inspire you to open doors that have been closed for too long. Look for the greater meaning of the lessons in every event; even the ones we consider unfortunate.